07 August 2010

One of those days...

There are days when I still break down and cry over Vera.

It pains me to see her still unable to sleep after all that we've done.

After all the expensive machines, giving medications, seen doctors, done sleep study, keeping her full for a good sleep...nothing has made a difference. She is still struggling to sleep, writhing in bed through the night, sometimes crying out in frustration and tiredness.

Beth looks after her in the night. I cannot bear to. I would be depressed by now if I did.

No amount of love that I shower on her will help her sleep through the night. And when tiredness gets to me, I experience a grief that I'm sure every mother of a special child knows - a sense of helplessness in watching their children suffer, and feeling the suffering as their own.

It was 5am and I couldn't sleep as well. How to, when your child can't?

That is why now I close the door. So I don't hear her waking up. I have Daen to look after and I need to stay sane.