19 May 2016

The Spider's Web Undone

Right now I feel just like a spider. A spider that has spent so much effort artfully weaving its fine, intricate web, only to have the rain come and destroy the whole web.

Vera has lost so much of what she could do before this illness.

She's basically like a baby again. All the YEARS of effort - from her many teachers, ourselves and most of all Vera herself - gone down the drain after the hurricane came and went.

Yes yes, well meaning friends tell me she'll get better and be back to her normal self. Who really knows? I don't. All I know now is the PAIN of seeing Vera lose so much function. The HEARTACHE of no more scooting around, head control, sitting by herself, infectious smiles and generous hugs.

Yes yes she's out of danger, we're lucky she's still with us...but now's the time I'm really reeling from the aftermath. I MISS THE OLD VERA SO MUCH. And I need the space and time to get used to the new Vera.

Of course I'm going to try my best to help her regain whatever she used to have.

But right now, I wish I had the spider's non-human ability to just build its web over and over again each time it's destroyed, as if that were what it was born to do.